Desi Talk

www.desitalk.com – that’s all you need to know HEALTH Advice Column: Ask Sahaj - Dad Will Try To Surprise Me At My Wedding. I Hate Surprises D ear Sahaj: While I adore my dad, he has a penchant for grand gestures and surprises, which I do not like. My wedding is approaching soon, and while I think I’ve done some good preemptive work tell- ing him what I don’t want, weddings in my culture are typically grand affairs, and I know I can’t think of everything. Is there anything more I should do? It’s not that I’m against being in the spotlight (it’s a wedding, and I could have chosen to elope), but I am against being blindsided and forced to display some kind of expected emotion. I was adamant to my fiancé that I not be proposed to in any sort of crowd for that very reason (which he of course listened to). – Unspotlight Bride Unspotlight Bride: Being celebrated is one thing, and being blindsided into a reaction is another. You’re not rejecting attention; you’re asking for the chance to meet emotional moments on your own terms. It’s possible your dad has no idea how or why these grand gestures actually dysregulate you. After all, in some cultures, parents show love through acts, effort and spec- tacle. His reality and your needs can both exist. Rather than thinking of every possible scenario that could arise, just tell your dad about the broader boundary you need. This may sound like: “Dad, I appreciate how thoughtful and enthusiastic you are; it’s one of the things I love about you. I just want to share something honestly: Big sur- prises, even happy ones, throw me off emotionally. I need a bit of warning or context to feel grounded. So it would mean a lot to me if we could agree that nothing surprise- based happens on the wedding day. I’m absolutely open to you planning something meaningful, I just need to know about it beforehand so I can actually enjoy it, not panic. I’m not saying, ‘Don’t do anything,’ I’m saying, ‘Let’s make sure I’m prepared.’ Can we agree to that?” In many families, weddings are a parent’s milestone as much as the couple’s. It’s sweet that your dad is getting so excited, but I can tell it’s also overwhelming you. Talk to him about that, too! Focus on both what he can’t do and what he can – which can feel less restrictive. Having a more open, two-way conversation about expectations and assumptions can help you show curiosity while also being firm about what you do and don’t want. This can also help you create a wedding where he feels like he can share his excitement, but in a way that doesn’t feel too burdensome to you. Maybe there are things you can offer him, such as a planned father-daughter moment, a speech you or some- one you trust approves in advance, a contribution he can make that isn’t public-facing, a “gift” that happens before or after the wedding. These can help him channel his impulses to “go over the top” in a way that feels contained by you. I also wonder if there’s a third party you can enlist to help you hold these boundaries. This might be bringing your partner or sibling into the conversation, since your dad may be more likely to listen or defer if more people are present. And it may be asking a family member to help be on “dad watch” as the wedding approaches and throughout the celebration – so they can run interfer- ence, and you can be as present as possible. Finally, while we don’t want to expect the worst, some- times anxiety-proofing these scenarios can help give you a sense of agency and calm. Have a backup plan for emotional regulation. This may be a grounding breath, a hand signal to your partner, a DJ or friend who can physically step between you and a mi- crophone if need be or get the music going. We want to make sure you enjoy this day and this process as much as possible! Best wishes!. Sahaj Kaur Kohli is a therapist and the creator of Brown Girl Therapy. -TheWashington Post By Sahaj Kaur Kohli PHOTO:@sahajkaurkohli.com I’m A Doctor. Here Are 11 Foods I Recommend To Fight Inflammation A re anti-inflammatory diets backed by science? Can some foods really cause inflammation in my body? When my patients ask me about anti-inflam- matory diets, they’re usually expecting me to talk about turmeric or the latest viral green drink. Lists of “toxic” foods are popular on social media – followed by advice to start the day with things like celery juice to help you “detox.” And while I’d love to say that a cup of blueberries a day will “turn off” inflammation, that’s not what the evidence shows. When researchers follow people for years or run clini- cal trials, it’s a dietary pattern that matters – not whether you drank ginger tea each day. The anti-inflammatory diet that multiple studies have shown works best is actually quite simple: vegetables, le- gumes, whole grains, olive oil, nuts and fish. In one Span- ish clinical trial, people were asked to eat more of these foods – and less processed meat and ultra-processed foods – and then watched as their inflammatory markers improved and their risk of heart attack and stroke fell. It’s essentially the Mediterranean diet. And – just to be clear – the Mediterranean diet is just a name. Its princi- ples can be applied to many cuisines, fromMexican and Indian to Greek and Italian. While there’s no single magic solution, I’m going to share with you the foods scientists have linked to lower inflammatory markers in the blood. Think of these foods as a backbone to building a healthier habit. ANTI-INFLAMMATORY FOODS These foods are rich in anti-inflammatory compounds, such as vitamins, beta-carotene, polyphenols, omega-3 fatty acids, and, of course, fiber. Aim to incorporate a variety of them into your routine most days of the week. When you’re planning a meal, think about emphasizing lots of plants, color and healthy fats. –Whole grains, such as whole wheat, oats or brown rice –Legumes, such as lentils, black beans and tofu –Probiotic foods, such as Greek yogurt or kefir –Green leafy vegetables, such as spinach or kale –Green or black tea, or coffee –Dark yellow vegetables, such as sweet potatoes, car- rots or pumpkin –Spices, such as turmeric, ginger and garlic –Flavonoid-rich fruits, such as berries and citrus –Nuts and seeds, such as walnuts, almonds and chia seeds –Extra-virgin olive oil as your main cooking oil –Fatty fish, such as salmon or mackerel PRO-INFLAMMATORY FOODS These are the foods to treat more as occasional guests. In studies, they’ve been linked to cancer, heart disease and the metabolic syndrome. That doesn’t mean you have to ban them outright. I encourage patients to think about how often these foods show up on their plates and whether there’s room to start making small swaps so they aren’t the main sources of your nutrients. –Ultra-processed foods, such as chips, packaged crack- ers, many frozen meals and instant foods –Refined carbohydrates, such as white bread, sugary breakfast cereals or pastries –Red and processed meats, such as bacon, sausage, hot dogs and deli meats –Sugar-sweetened beverages, such as sodas, sweet tea and energy drinks –Fried foods and those high in trans fats and saturated fats, such as those found in many fast-foods and baked goods HOW FOODS CAN TRIGGER INFLAMMATION IN YOUR BODY The idea that food can trigger inflammation in our bodies is backed by a growing body of science. Research- ers can measure inflammation using blood tests for markers such as C-reactive protein or interleukin 6. Certain foods trigger bursts of sugar and triglycerides in the bloodstream, and the body responds by generating inflammation. When we eat those foods frequently, that inflammation can persist in our bodies at a low level. This can have far-reaching impact: In 2018, one team found that people who ate more foods associated with these inflammatory blood markers were more likely to develop unique colon cancers containing a particular bacteria, Fusobacterium nucleatum. The findings sug- gested that inflammation from the food we eat alters the gut microbiome and can contribute to how certain cancers develop. An inflammatory diet has also been linked to: –A higher risk of obstructive sleep apnea –Developing gout, a type of inflammatory arthritis –Having a stroke or heart attack –More depressive symptoms and use of antidepres- sants –Dementia of all causes, including Alzheimer’s. WHAT I WANT MY PATIENTS TO KNOW hink about what you’re going to add instead of sub- tract. Pick one of your go-to dinners: Can you add one ex- tra serving of vegetables? How about a serving of fruit at lunchtime? Frozen veggies and canned beans are great add-ins that don’t break the bank. You can still enjoy foods you love while supporting an overall healthy pattern of eating – and you don’t need to chase every new anti-inflammatory tonic the internet throws at you. Trisha Pasricha is an instructor of medicine at Harvard Medical School. -Special to TheWashington Post By Trisha Pasricha, MD, MPH Photo:TheWashington Post 10 LIFESTYLE December 19, 2025