Desi Talk

- Continued On Page 20 www.desitalk.com – that’s all you need to know 18 LIFESTYLE January 9, 2026 ADVICE COLUMN Ask Sahaj: My Husband Made A Private List About Me. Reading It Destroyed Me D ear Sahaj: My husband and I have been tackling changes the past year. We have been trying to improve our marriage by talking more and mak- ing lifestyle changes. I am trying to communi- cate more about what has upset me instead of sulking like before. I have found that my husband has been writing all those instances down as a list. The list includes: • Take kids out every day so she has alone time. • Don’t bring up kids’ conflicts to her. • Don’t compare her to you or in any way, she may feel judged. • Don’t talk about her, even things that seem neutral are at risk of being viewed as negative when heard by her. Only talk about her in a positive light. • Don’t tease her. • Always give her 100 percent attention when talking. • Don’t share vulnerabilities with her – she doesn’t care and may use it in an insulting attack later. The last one destroyed me. I can’t believe I would ever do that, and if I did, we never talked about it. I don’t really know what to do. Do I just accept these are his private thoughts and leave it be? Or, do I address how he sees me? Is this a sign we need help? – Hurt and Confused Hurt and confused: Your husband’s intent seems to be reminding himself of what makes you feel loved and what keeps the peace in your relationship. However, there are a few points – like him avoiding topics with you that could be viewed as negative, and a hesitancy to be vulnerable with you for fear of being insulted later – that are con- cerning. Not everything you read in someone’s journal can be taken as fact. He may have made this list in the heat of his own emotions and without intending for you to see them. Everyone has their own coping tools for navigating disagreements. For some, this is venting to a friend or working with a therapist. For others, like your husband, writing down unfiltered private thoughts may give a sense of control while dealing with conflict. I talked to my colleague and licensed marriage and family therapist Maria Sosa, who explained that “some- times, in our efforts to solve a problem within our relationships, we end up creating a new set of problems.” It’s clear that you both are trying to figure out how to navigate the changes you’ve experienced recently – you through trying to speak up more and him through writing everything down. Yet you continue to struggle with truly connecting. As Sosa sees it, “it seems as if the things that you were sharing were not being perceived through a compassionate lens but rather accumulating as resent- ment.” It will be damaging to your relationship if you don’t address how this list has made you feel and how your husband is experiencing you and your marriage. You want to be careful that any resentment hasn’t already By Sahaj Kaur Kohli 20 Things To Declutter Right Now To Start The Year Lighter J anuary is a great time of year to pick off decluttering projects, big and small. The new year, new you vibe can transform a task you’ve been putting off into one you cannot wait to cross off your to-do list. And for many people, that overcrowded, overstuffed feeling the home can take on during the holidays thanks to all those decorations, presents and food platters, gives way to a burst of get rid of it all! energy in the first month of a new year. Parting with your things, however, can be hard even when you’re excited at the prospect of a fresh start. Picking some easy(ish) decluttering projects is a great way to build momentum. Ahead, you’ll find 20 pretty easy things to consider re- moving from your home, your car or your life in January, in service of a less-cluttered 2026. HOLIDAY DECORATIONS Start with the most obvious: As you take down holiday decor, weed out and throw away broken light sets and ornaments. (Will you need replacements? Order them now when you’re thinking of it, and they’re on sale.) Include holiday cards in the purge; keep the ones you want and throw away the rest. UNWANTED GIFTS This one pushes the boundaries of “easy” - it can be hard to get rid of a gift that someone put thought and effort into. But if you got a gift you will truly never use, get rid of it. Return it, regift it, donate it, whatever the right move is, make it now - it won’t be easier in July. HOLIDAY FOOD It’s time to break up with that tin of peppermint bark, the container of home- made cranberry sauce or the turkey car- cass that hasn’t and will never be turned into stock. Use it up now or throw it out. INGREDIENTS FROM 2025 THAT ARE LAN- GUISHING If you bought an ingredient for a dish you made once and will never make again, or that you simply ended up not liking, this is the time to remove it from your life. THAT ONE SERVING PLATTER THAT EXISTS TO CAUSE YOU TROUBLE Not everyone will have one of these, but those of you who do know the exact platter in question: It’s too heavy, too wide or too weirdly shaped, and it never quite works for anything other than getting in your way. Make 2025 the last year you deal with this diva! Donate or sell it if you can, and if it’s an heirloom or similarly signifi- cant, pass it along to a family member you hate and make it their problem. REUSABLE BAGS These things proliferate in the night, and we all have too many of them. If you’ve still got a stack of Trader Joe’s bags with receipts from 2024 in them, a stash of plastic bags spilling out of other plastic bags or shopping bags from stores you haven’t shopped at in years, it’s a sign that you do not actually reuse those reusable bags you keep hanging on to. AUTOMOTIVE DETRITUS Does your car need to be cleaned out? Grab a trash bag and spend five minutes purging - it will have an almost-immedi- ate positive effect on your life. BROKEN, DUPLICATE OR UNUSED COOKING UTENSILS AND SMALL APPLIANCES This one is especially well-suited to people who plan to make changes to their diets or undertake new cooking or baking endeavors in the new year. Donating or selling utensils and small appliances in January is ideal because for every per- son who vowed to eat less ice cream in the new year, there’s also a person who is making 2026 their year of ice cream artistry. ANYTHING YOU DON’T LIKE THE SMELL OF Whether it’s a candle, a body wash, a countertop spray or a perfume, the experi- ence of feeling stuck with a scented item that you hate the smell of is so relatable. Free yourself from those stinking shackles! Admit it was a mistake, and cast it off. PROMOTIONAL ITEMS AND/OR FREEBIES YOU GOT IN 2025 Water bottles, koozies, T-shirts, key chains, notepads - promotional items take many forms, and they’re free, which makes it easy to say, “Eh, it was free. Might as well keep it.” But if you didn’t pay for it and you don’t use it, you owe it nothing and it owes nothing to you. Toss, recycle or donate. CLEANING PRODUCTS YOU DON’T USE A small collection of cleaning agents are all you need to keep a clean home. Stocking a huge array of cleaning products is counterproductive - they’ll get in your way and make it harder for you to keep your home clean! Unwanted cleaning products, including ones that have been opened, are also super donate-able. OLD SLIPPERS Alas, old slippers are not super donate- able, which can make them oddly hard to part with. But when you replace old slip- pers with new ones, it is time to say good- bye to your old friends. Beware of the role reassignment trap, here: Are those house slippers you bought in 2019 really going to serve as your new outdoor shoe? OLD DOG LEASHES AND COLLARS Leashes and collars are to our dogs as slippers are to us, which is funny to think about! Hopefully, bringing a bit of humor to the purge party will make it easier to admit that those old leashes and collars will not be used again. BROKEN LUGGAGE If you returned from holiday travels with broken luggage, repair it or toss it. Deal with it now; it won’t become less broken in the future. HAIR ACCESSORIES, PRODUCTS OR TOOLS FROM TWO HAIR STYLES AGO Maybe it’s a bottle of purple condi- tioner from your short-lived platinum blond era or the round brush you bought when you decided to cut bangs or those clips you bought when you admitted the bangs were a mistake and set about grow- ing them out. If it’s intended for a hairstyle you no longer have, it’s clutter that’s taking up valuable bathroom storage space. TOO MANY HANGERS A common reason people struggle to keep their clothes put away is that their closets are simply too jammed up to be functional. Free up some space by paring down your spare hanger collection RAGS, USED SPONGES AND OLD TOOTH- BRUSHES All the stuff you reassigned as cleaning tools - if you’re not actually using them, then you’re just storing old, gross trash with your cleaning supplies. CLOTHES YOU DIDN’T MEND IN 2025 This can feel like a bummer, because it requires admitting that you meant to do something, and didn’t, and that you’re un- likely to do it in the future. Use January’s “fresh start” energy to make a clean break from those unmended clothes, instead of clinging to a past you’ve grown out of. BROKEN ELECTRONICS YOU DIDN’T FIX IN 2025 Ditto broken electronics. EMPTY BOXES Empty boxes - shipping boxes, product boxes, even unused storage containers - take up space and get in the way. Remove them from your orbit! Put the broken electronics and unmended clothes and gross old toothbrushes in them and get rid of all of it! -Special to TheWashington Post By Jolie Kerr