Desi Talk

www.desitalk.com – that’s all you need to know 8 LIFESTYLE January 30, 2026 HEALTH Experts Have 3 Tips For Setting Screen-Time Boundaries With Your Kids S martphones and screens have increasingly become a rite of passage for many preteens and teens. With the continued rise of social media and the constant need for com- munication and connection, this cohort of children is spending more time online and their digital world is reshaping how they socialize, learn and relax. Parents and mental health experts are sounding the alarm and grappling with how to balance the benefits and harms of giving their children smart- phones at a young age. Many experts say while there is no one-size-fits-all approach, there are ways to help minimize the risks and exposure. ENCOURAGE OPEN AND ONGOING COMMUNICATION A big part of setting expectations of what is acceptable is starting conversations early and keeping them going. Some mental health experts say parents should explain to children as young as toddlers when they are going to be using their phones and give a reason. Megan Moreno, co-medical director of the Center of Excellence on Social Media and Youth Men- tal Health at the American Academy of Pediatrics, said caregivers need better language to engage with their teens. She suggests asking questions like: What are you doing right now? Are you enjoying it? Are you learning something or connecting with someone? Are you actually getting something out of it? If the answer to any of the questions is no, Moreno said, the conversation can shift to how to dial back screen use. Adults can also model honesty by admitting their own struggles, whether they are getting pulled into an endless TikTok scroll or losing track of time online. Framing it as something to work on together helps move the dynamic away from constant policing and toward collaboration, which teens are more likely to see as fair. Moreno said there is no universal age when children are ready for a smartphone, and parents should base their decision on individual needs. “Lots of kids who have medical conditions … [need] to track elements of their health using a phone,” said Moreno. “There’s advancements in technology where kids can give themselves insulin and track their blood glucose, but that usually requires a smartphone.” ADULTS CAN LEAD BY EXAMPLE Experts say children model their behaviors on the adults they see. So when parents ask teens to limit phone use but are constantly scrolling themselves, those rules can seem unequal. Children are exposed to screens from infancy, often through their caregivers’ own device use, so parental modeling early on is especially influen- tial. “Young patients will tell me their parent will walk into a room and say, ‘Put your phone down. You’re getting brain rot,’” Moreno said. “At the same time, teens see those same adults engaging in the exact behaviors they are being criticized for.” Many adults need to keep their phones nearby for work or emergencies, but how they handle phone access makes a difference, according to Jen- nifer Katzenstein, a pediatric neuropsychologist at Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine. “My son knows that my phone is with me be- cause I’m on call. I’m going to put it down and ac- tually even turn the ringer on, which I think many of us are reluctant to do,” said Katzenstein. SET CLEAR AND FLEXIBLE BOUNDARIES TOGETHER Families vary in what they consider urgent, and those decisions are often shaped by shared values. Allowing flexibility for genuinely important messages, while maintaining overall limits, can build trust and reduce conflict, experts say. Gina Marcello, an associate teaching professor in Rutgers University’s School of Communication and Information, said parents can set simple, concrete limits: “things like designated leisure time, restricting scrolling to certain hours, or keeping devices off the dinner table,” she said. “Those are clear, tangible boundaries.” When parents apply the same standards to themselves that they expect from their children, rules are more likely to be seen as fair rather than controlling, Marcello said. -TheWashington Post By Sabrina Malhi, Ariana Eunjung Cha PHOTO:COURTESYVIBHA The non-profit Vibha distributed Smart Phones to children “as they were much needed in these virtual times,” the organization said. Ask Sahaj: I’m Terminally Ill. My Wife Is ‘Freaked Out’ I’m Preparing For My Death loss, and it’s possible you (and your nervous system!) are choosing “known pain” over an uncertain sense of safety. There is something predictable about being with S – even if it hurts you – that feels safer and more certain than liv- ing alone. But that’s not romance. That’s survival. I want you to tune into that part of you that wants to stay in this relationship. Go inward and be gentle with yourself, but be really honest about what is keeping you here. Is that part of you scared of not having daily or romantic companionship? Is that part of you waiting and hoping for him to change his mind or soften his behav- ior? Is it because you firmly believe that when you com- mit in a relationship (as you did with your ex-partner), you must stick out the good and bad no matter what? Is it a belief that as you age you become less worthy of kind, committed love? This part of you isn’t logical. It doesn’t care about what others think. It is scared and is protecting you from something. I encourage you to work with your therapist to figure out what that something is. Then, instead of asking, “Why can’t I leave?” start asking yourself what staying is costing you. What needs have you silenced since being with him? How have you changed in the relationship?What do others (those you trust) see about this dynamic that you can start to listen to? Decisions become clearer when you stop focusing on the fear of leaving and start accounting for the cost of staying. Even more, think about what you would tell one of your long-term friends if they wrote to you with this same question. I have a feeling you know what you want to do, but you’re seeking some sort of permission or an overwhelming emotional readiness to do it. But readiness isn’t a feeling. It’s a choice. When I work with clients who want to make a painful change, ambiva- lence is often the space between preparation and action. Attachment and harm coexist, and grief and hope live in the same space. You have to decide if the attachment can outweigh the harm. It won’t matter how often others try to love you into seeing this relationship for what it is … you have to be the one who decides to take action. Patterns of chronic criticism, control and power imbal- ance can erode a person’s sense of self over time. When a relationship consistently makes you feel smaller, that harm deserves to be taken seriously – regardless of intent. Your loved ones are waiting for you to see what they see so clearly. I hope you can take some time to really befriend the part of you that is keeping you in this relationship and ask her to play a different role – one that helps you grieve, be brave and plan your next steps. But only if that is what you really want for yourself. Sahaj Kaur Kohli is a therapist and the creator of Brown Girl Therapy. -Special to TheWashington Post PHOTO: Instagram @SahajKohli - Continued From Page 7