Desi Talk

www.desitalk.com – that’s all you need to know 18 LIFESTYLE April 24, 2026 I t started in 2020. The world locked down, the calendar emptied, and people quietly began reaching for things they had never had time for before. Hobbies surfaced. Inter- ests bloomed. And somewhere in that strange, suspended pause, a green thumb arrived uninvited and turned out to be the most joyful, most comedic houseg- uest imaginable. Picture this. A new home, a backyard, and the bold decision to start from a clean slate. Tilling the soil, laying fresh topsoil, seeding new grass and then watching it the way only a first timer can, with the intensity of someone monitor- ing something sacred. It became a family affair quickly. Think of that scene from Honey I Shrunk the Kids, the father tiptoeing across the lawn, arms outstretched, balancing himself like a human weighing scale, desperate not to crush the tiny things he loves. That was us. Ridiculous, tender and completely serious about it. Then came Floret. An Insta- gram page that stopped the scroll. Rows of the most gorgeous flowers arranged like the world had been qui- etly beautiful all along and nobody had told us. Behind it was Erin Benzakein, a farmer, author and one of the most beloved voices in the world of flower growing, with her own farm inWashing- ton, books that have become staples for flower lovers, and a show that brought her craft to an even wider audience. At the time though, it just felt like stumbling onto something rare and generous. The freebies were downloaded. The reels were watched on a loop. And just like that, a whole world opened up. Birds arriving for seeds. Bees doing their quiet, essen- tial work. Butterflies landing and staying a while. It pulled up old memories too, of plucking roses as a child and watching those monarch butterflies sit still on the petals for what felt like hours, completely absorbed in the nectar, unbothered by the small face watching them up close. There was also the mad phase, which deserves its own honest mention. Eighty dollars’ worth of hydrangeas. Gone in three months. A beautiful, expensive les- son. After that, low maintenance became the new philosophy and surprisingly, a better one. Then spring comes. That first crisp air after a long winter. And after years of watering, feeding, pruning, researching, losing plants and trying again, something shifts. You stop killing them. Things actu- ally grow. Daffodils push through. Iris, tiger lilies, peonies follow in their own time. You photograph them and send the pictures to a colleague who shares the same quiet obsession, and the two of you spend all spring and summer exchang- ing blooms like dispatches from a better world. There is a lyric that still makes me laugh. “Despite the fact that you’ve killed all my plants,” from Don’t Write Me Off, a song from the 2007 filmMusic and Lyrics. Funny because it was once too real. And then there is the fragrance. Fresh cut flowers from your own garden, carried inside, lingering for days and then weeks. A smell that belongs entirely to something you grew with your own hands and your own patience. When everything outside goes side- ways, and it often does, there is some- thing quietly powerful about walking into a garden that waited for you. That bloomed anyway. That kept its word. And if you need a reminder of that, step outside in May. The earth already knows. It has been preparing since February, quietly, without being asked. Right on time for Mother’s Day, when the peonies open and the world smells like something worth staying for. Hope, it turns out, is a perennial. Ajita’s Headspace was born from ruminations and memories finding their way out through storytelling. The author is an artist and de- signer based in the tri-state area. By Ajita Kapoor PHOTO:PROVIDED Ajita’s Headspace: When Hope Blooms Illustrations:Ajita Kapoor Ask Sahaj: Isn’t It Racist To Insist Your Kids Marry Within Their Race? D ear Sahaj: I would love your take on the subject of parents wanting/expecting/demanding their child to marry someone of the same background. It seems whenever the family is non-White, the reasons are always excused as “cultural continuity” or “familial heritage,” but if the same circumstances occurred with a White family, the parents would immediately be labeled “racist” for wanting their daughter to only marry a White man. Why aren’t the South Asian parents who demand their daugh- ter marry only another South Asian labeled “racist” too? It feels like a double standard that they should be called out on. Everyone should marry whomever they want! - Double Standard Double Standard: As a South Asian, daughter of immi- grants and granddaughter of refugees, who is also mar- ried to aWhite man - something that did cause conflict with my parents for a while before they became support- ive - I am so glad you asked this question! We have to consider that the difference in how we label these behaviors between a “White family” and “non-White family” isn’t arbitrary; it’s shaped by his- tory, power and context. Racism and prejudice are about privilege and advantage. WhenWhite families insist on “staying within their race,” it’s often tied to a long history of exclusion, segregation and maintaining dominance or supremacy. When immigrant or non-White families express similar preferences, it’s often rooted in something else - survival, cultural preservation and fear of loss. That doesn’t automatically make it okay, but it definitely makes it different. I do believe marriage should be a chosen, intentional act between two adults regardless of background. Still, given the complicated racial and cultural dynamics at play, I can understand when immigrant or South Asian parents are driven by fear to the point of “demanding” their kids make certain choices. Cultural context matters here, too. In many collec- tivist cultures, where the group is prioritized over the individual, the norm around marriage is that it’s a family affair. Love is not between two individuals but a joining of families, so things such as what the partner’s parents do, or social standing, can matter more because each family is inheriting the other family’s reputation. The first ques- tions my parents asked when I told them about my now- husband was what did his parents and brothers do, how did they spend their time. What they were really asking was: Can they protect you?Will they be able to provide for you?Will they tarnish your name?When a daughter gets married to someone else’s son, tangible proof of stability, or security, can matter in a way that may not be as relevant here. It took time to challenge this narrative and given the context in which they grew up - with their gendered roles and marriage norms - I can understand their concern. In the process of immigration, a lot is lost that can- not be seen. Things such as family roles that are left behind, access to general and family support, cultural norms from how to get money from a bank to the social etiquette at the park or school. Because so many strands are broken along the journey, the ones that remain - such as cultural traditions/rituals and language - are held on to even tighter. There’s often a fear that a culture will end with the next generation, and even an anxiety around being misunderstood or even isolated within one’s own family. Add to this a historical expectation that immi- grants will assimilate, and, in order to challenge this, many may hold on even tighter to parts of their identity and culture to maintain a semblance of who they are. Still, culture shouldn’t be used as a shield for harm- ing, controlling or guilting kids into whom they should marry. I think immigrant kids - and all folks - should be allowed to choose their partners, and it’s necessary to consider what they may still have to grieve and what that choice costs them. Context matters. Sahaj Kaur Kohli is a thera- pist and the creator of Brown Girl Therapy. -Special to TheWashington Post By Sahaj Kaur Kohli PHOTO:@sahajkaurkohli.com